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Monday, January 21st, 2008
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eatenupeatenupeatenupeatenupgnawingandshreddingandbitingandgnawing
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 27th, 2007
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Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
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| Time: | 6:25 pm. |
| Mood: |  enthralled. | | Music: | RINGING SILENCE. |
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shit.My speakers are broken.I wanted to listen to Regina."uncle bobby".I think that is on the other user name on this ol' computer anyway.Back to school has been eventful so far.Today i shopped around for some Halloween costumes at the mall.I'm thinkin' maybe I'll be the "no rain" bee girl?Otherwise maybe Mandark or possibly a greek goddess?Maybe not a greek goddess.Although I confess I would probably look like a damn fox in any of those leg ave costumes.Ahh!Ms Allen is just really making me very nervous.It is my belief that she supposing that I'm some artistic treasure(as she knows I've taken a few art classes and is simply misunderstanding time spent for talent)when really I'm the most mediocre nothing.This probably does not sound like quite a big deal to anyone else, but honestly it makes me just feel very self conscious now.THis is only adding to my previous worries regarding my artistic ability.More to mound upon my worries:I've got a project due this Friday that I've yet to begin, and should probably be attempting to not procrastinate with like I've done with every other project every fucking single year before this.I'm beginning to be concerned with what I'm going to do with my life.i love all things art related and would never want to live without that being a giant part of my life.The only difficulty with this is that is I've got absolutely zero talent.although yes that doesn't mean i cant do something in a field related to the arts.and that would be ideal if it weren't for the fact i don't have the grades for any such thing.oh how i would love to do something like art therapy!i could work with kids perhaps, and help them express experiences or emotions they're unable to with words by using some kind of art form.why am i such a defeatist? i could still work hard this year and try my best to accumulate all the knowledge i can regarding artistic techniques.I just need to focus.I'm really wishing i had a little patron saint to sooth my nerves right now.lame indeed.
i just realized as i was rambling that i am a worry warted idiot!i shouldn't be so closed minded!i can always appreciate art and incorporate that love in everyday life without it being apart of my career!this is the first time I've ever even considered that.only because I'm not much interested in anything else.mmh.ok.this will be weird now.I feel strangely elated!nice to end one of these with some positivity for one of the very few times ever!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
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| Time: | 8:17 pm. |
| Mood: |  blank. | | Music: | bjork:where is the line. |
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i like to let diet soda sit in my mouth basting my tongue in a fizz of acidic something or other that makes my tate buds wince and my everything else smile
iv yet to listen to the new bright eyes album.mixed feelings on whether this decision was decided or not.
the computer may be single most depressing device to ever be devised.it makes me feel more lonely than i think i am in actuality.i suspect this is mostly because they removed daria from you tube due to copy write clauses or what have you.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 16th, 2007
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| Time: | 11:53 am. |
| Mood: |  working. | | Music: | guitar o' meric marm. |
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i think you can apply all quotes from closer to any situation in life.
or maybe my life is just one deceiving shit storm after the next.
angst!
tilly and the wall is helping.
i am a tarus
if i had a little more time on my hands?
no.
i never post.
i hate posting.
got los caprichos for those who care.which is NO ONE.
i think fransico and i should be wedd by the time im finished thumbing through those pages!
along with high times.
although i should really give it to my mom before i visually violate her gift
i dont think shell really have a sense of humor about it.
thora birch does indeed have lopsided titties and i cant beleive i just used the word "titties"
i dont give enough effort to anything
why the fuck am i not doing my work?
self-righteous,self loathing,self deprecating,and self served.
miss indipendant?
id fuck kelly clarkson.
oh freudian father!why cast such a burden upon me!?i think ill do as winnifred sanderson to billy butcherson.
reference anyone?
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, November 27th, 2006
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-ive been practicing A and D chords since the second ive last seen you.
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be your own pet seems like the only thing my ears will permit.thought process feels like tiny weakling me trying to move the largest block of granite youve ever seen.i only want anger.
today a girl in my class told my teacher she was accepted to the college she wanted.
it very suddenly dawned on me that this will not be the case for me.i dont care how much i talk about wanting a higher education.its not happening.my parents arent even saving for dana and i like they did for dan.that is probably the most discouraging thing ive ever heard.
my fallopian tube fucking kills!i can only assume thats what it is.i fucking want to gut my own self.all those wormy organs make me sick.ill take a spoon to em all!
bunk trunk skunk remains the single most kick ass song in the history of jungle.hearing that straight from the mouth of jemina is the most exhilarating thing in the world!i miss them!i need a good fight.and a dance.and something to suppress my tongue right about now.
im making plans to fill me up.something to distract me.prospects are hopeful.a tent.a bowling alley?a burrito.knowing me these will never pan out.i am the fucking king of all dickdom.i reign supremely.
chicken supreme.
cutlass supreme.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 12th, 2006
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i feel inactive.i feel thoughtless.i feel like an idiot.i feel like an asshole.i feel like i drive people away.i feel like im incapable of recieving or contributing love in this world.i feel the like the farthest thing from a human being.i feel codependant.i feel like i cant stand on my own two feet.i feel like ill never acomplish anything.i hate people who do that.im the biggest unacomplishing gross you will ever encounter.good intentions and bright ideas are not enough.persuing something you set out to is what makes anything count.wether well executed or fully executed at all does not matter.but to try.to attempt.to give you up most.i dont do this.i never have.i have so much hate.i feel bitter and intolerable.i have nothing to contribute.to anything.nothing important to say.i have no voice.im not sure i can hold out long enough to grow up and finally find my own.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
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| Time: | 7:29 pm. |
| Mood: |  happy. | | Music: | roscoe by midlake. |
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my hair is in the growing out stage.
my homework is in the putting off stage.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
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| Time: | 6:08 pm. |
| Mood: |  crushed. | | Music: | a prepubesent connor oberst singing ouija. |
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apple butter
good in theory
disgusting in everything else.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, September 21st, 2006
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| Time: | 7:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  crappy. | | Music: | the smiths please please please let me get what i want. |
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just not very happy.and the smiths arent helping any.
today sitting in the car i began to imagine the inside of my head and just assumed there might be tiny stringy peices holding your squishy brain to your thick granet skull.i dont know why i visualized it.but it came to me so clearly like i had studied it in a diagram in some nameless texbook at one point.it didnt make me squirmish or uneasy.it hurt.picturing this was physicaly painful.it caused me to shuddered and shut my eyes tight.
in other news im starting to think i seriously over react.im constantly thinking the when people talk to me and harmless dialog we share is really an attack on me.i listen keenly ofr any change in tone,sarcasum or malice.i dont know why i feel like everyones out to get me.maybe this paranoia comes from the fact that im extremely two faced.just becuase im a lying bitch doesnt mean everyone else is.going hand in hand with this,people's oppinions of me are really starting to wear me down.most of these "opinions" are what i simply assume most poeple think of me.again.why do i just accept and even create the idea of people dispising me?
i feel the way i felt about my lungs about my brain now.the residue i imagine is stuck in cranies,in pores and i feel disgusting.i feel revolting.its like dirt under your fingernails.but inside of you.you cant imagine how sick i am with myself.and now theres no way of undoing these things.and i even have thoughts of revisiting.like my brains actually begging for more filth untill every nook is filled,no longer pink and happy but blackened and used up.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 11th, 2006
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| Time: | 9:49 pm. |
| Mood: | crappy. | | Music: | cars and calories by saves the day. |
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why do i have the hardest time connecting with people?i have no idea why this is bothering me so much.i like my alone time.and when im around people i realize "oh thats why i avoid all your calls!"but when someone actually stops and points it out...it really hurts.ive tried to be personable!ive tried making polite conversation!ive been doing well with the nervousness and the inability to form proper grammatical sentences around those who intimidate me.which is everyone.i shouldn't have to try.i mean,am i right?things like that should come easily.does everyone feel this way?this socially awkward?at some point maybe?oh.i second raleigh st claire.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 4th, 2006
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Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
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| Time: | 8:29 am. |
| Mood: | awake. | | Music: | three is the magic number by blind melon. |
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if you lived with me
you'd sceeve my drinking out of the carton/gallon/bottle(it just tastes better)
you'd be fatter than you could ever imagine!(not that im a good cook,just a pushy one)
we'd most likely have a bad track record with pets(anything put into my care dies,and i cant promise this wont apply for you too)
i'd never leave your side(mostly because im a scaredy cat who needs a protector)
we'd listen to allot of bad music and probably watch allot of bad movies(avril and teen 90s flicks)
we'd sleep outside allot,maybe even have a futon on the porch(though ill probably have a bad dream followed by a freak out in the middle of the night and leave you alone.sorry)
we'd have to live within short distance of a lake/beach/reservoir(muck up the drinking water,not that wed care wed only drink bottled)
we'd hike,and kayak,and white water raft(only well really just rock the raft and make it splashy out on the still reservoir
we'd take summer trips to iceland and new zealand and love in the terrain and learn to surf!(or drown trying!)
we would drive to petting zoos and mini golfs(except fucking golf quest)and throw parties and buy supplies at target
there'd be concerts to see and parks to invade and lots of grass to lay in oh!and trees to climb!
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 26th, 2006
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| Time: | 9:47 pm. |
| Mood: | thirsty. | | Music: | smashing pumpkins:cherub rock. |
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i miss the feel of lake on my skin.i miss the sun beating down on my shoulders giving birth to new freckles.i miss the terrified sensation in my tummy when eric held my hand and soared with me into what im sure was an army of serpents that we very closely dodged.but what i cant fathom is why god shone down a smile on us that day.that emotional touch stone that has burrowed its way deep into my heart,embedded there in case of emergency is also a cause of overwhelming pain.a gash in someone else's faith and everyday happiness,that is still very new.gaping for everyone to see.i pray for loved ones of those who were lost.partly because i almost feel guilty.like maybe there needs to be balance.that day and that water,brought about such complete euphoria and love for me that perhaps it comes with a price.one persons pivotal awakening to life and love means someone else's pain and loss.i can take comfort at least in the idea that maybe the pain im feeling,the loss and the lonely will bring about someones something good.and now at least all i have an abundance of time...to do with what im not so sure yet.but im exploring my options...not really.but i hope to get on that.i need a good distraction.as for right now,im trying to rebuild friendships with anyone who will allow it.ive been pretty shitty to those whos names arent eric,even worse than shitty,nonexistent.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 7:23 pm. |
| Mood: |  geeky. | | Music: | stephens mom shut up its the truth. |
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suck my jagoff
my mom thinks im too vulgar
but in all fairness i guess shopping for new glasses could do without a reference to tuchus lingus
8=========================D
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 9:40 pm. |
| Music: | the white stripes pretty good looking. |
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went to izumi with the folks and dana.i need to work on a nick name.no not day.anyway.ate way too much and sat right next to a couple whos male half wore an obnoxious orange vizor.backwards.and upside down.pretty much sick to my stomach.went home for a shower accompanied by the breeders,cake and silverchair.hate hate hate bed times but ive got to get up early for a kickball bruising fun filled tomorrow!i miss boogaluchi.i miss the armstrongs.jesus.i dont know what to do with myself.for the past week ive driven in cars where none of the passengers were bellowing with rage at the cautious speed limit abiding little old woman driving infront of us!how am i ever to survive?ohgod.and ok go is on a jc penny commercial.when will the suffering end?
( assortment of sorrow and small towns )
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, July 29th, 2006
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| Time: | 8:03 pm. |
| Mood: | awake. | | Music: | death cab what sarah said from up in danas room. |
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lockdown day 1,500,557
so.i guess the food i so carefully chewed to make safe of my swallowing isnt forming together to become a massive something that gets lodged in my throat blocking all air.and those gallons of water arent being retained in my brain cells drowning them out and causing brain damage.im just insane.i might just be having panic attacks.this is sweet.something to use as an excuse."sorry.cant help ma,doctors orders.no im not being lazy!my frail nerves might rattle if i dare attempt anything semi-productive!!!"im likin the alone time to tell the truth.i get to catch up on some reading.ok.shut up.but i have picked up a good few magazines!and no i will not let you make me feel bad for buying fashion magazines the last three or four times i was in a bookstore!ive started requiem for a dream however.only on like page 50 or so and my tear ducts are already bracing themselves!again i will NOT let you belittle me for that fact that the only books i seem to read have been made into movies!at this very second every tooth in my mouth is scraping against his neighbor.having the same effect as a fork on a dinner plate.cringe!i was sucking a lemon earlier and now my pearly whites have a horrible coating--my folks have a birthday something to attend to and one of the down points of my grounding is no computer while my folks are out.so i guess this is goodbye
oh!oh!this would be an opportune moment for plack candy!
but ive got none.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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albequirkyturky's journal
drunk.